Tuesday, January 29 marks the 38th anniversary of the premier of the dark nuclear comedy "Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb." In honor of the anniversary of this film the Non-Proliferation Project provides some choice quotes from this cinematic masterpiece.
All dialogue is taken from "Dr. Srangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying
and Love the Bomb" Screenplay by Stanley Kubrick, Terry Southern & Peter George,
based on the book Red Alert by Peter George.
In our first selection, warmongering General Buck Turgidson (George C. Scott) makes the case to President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers) why the U.S. should take advantage of the rogue attack launched by insane General Jack Ripper and launch a full-scale nuclear attack on the Soviet Union.
Gen. Turgidson:
One, our hopes for recalling the 843rd bomb wing are quickly being reduced to a very low order of probability. Two, in less than fifteen minutes from now the Russkies will be making radar contact with the planes. Three, when they do, they are going to go absolutely ape, and they're gonna strike back with everything they've got. Four, if prior to this time, we have done nothing further to suppress their retaliatory capabilities, we will suffer virtual annihilation. Now, five, if on the other hand, we were to immediately launch an all out and coordinated attack on all their airfields and missile bases we'd stand a damn good chance of catching 'em with their pants down. Hell, we got a five to one missile superiority as it is. We could easily assign three missiles to every target, and still have a very effective reserve force for any other contingency. Now, six, an unofficial study which we undertook of this eventuality, indicated that we would destroy ninety percent of their nuclear capabilities. We would therefore prevail, and suffer only modest and acceptable civilian casualties from their remaining force which would be badly damaged and uncoordinated.
President Muffley:
General, it is the avowed policy of our country never to strike first with nuclear weapons.
Turgidson:
Well, Mr. President, I would say that General Ripper has already invalidated that policy. [Laughs]
Muffley:
That was not an act of national policy and there are still alternatives left open to us!
Turgidson:
Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth both for ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation. Now, the truth is not always a pleasant thing, but it is necessary now make a choice, to choose between two admittedly regrettable, but nevertheless, distinguishable post-war environments: one where you got twenty million people killed, and the other where you got a hundred and fifty million people killed.
Muffley:
You're talking about mass murder, General, not war!
Turgidson:
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I do say... no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh... depending on the breaks.
Muffley:
I will not go down in history as the greatest mass murderer since Adolph Hitler!
Turgidson:
Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned with the American people, than with your image in the history books.
Later in the film, a scuffle breaks out between General Turgidson and the Russian
ambassador. The row begins when Turgidson attempts to plant a camera on the
ambassador so that it will appear the Russian is taking pictures of the War
Room. In perhaps the funniest line of the movie, President Muffley reprimands
the pair for their lack of decorum:
President Muffley:
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the War Room!
In our final selection, Dr. Strangelove (also Peter Sellers) explains to the President his twisted plan to maintain civilization following the impending nuclear apocalypse.
President Muffley:
You mean, people could actually stay down there for a hundred years?
Strangelove:
It would not be difficult mein Fuhrer! Nuclear reactors could, heh... I'm sorry. Mr. President. Nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely. Greenhouses could maintain plantlife. Animals could be bred and slaughtered. A quick survey would have to be made of all the available mine sites in the country. But I would guess... that, ah, dwelling space for several hundred thousands of our people could easily be provided.
Muffley:
Well I... I would hate to have to decide.. who stays up and.. who goes down.
Strangelove:
Well, that would not be necessary Mr. President. It could easily be accomplished with a computer. And a computer could be set and programmed to accept factors from youth, health, sexual fertility, intelligence, and a cross section of necessary skills. Of course it would be absolutely vital that our top government and military men be included to foster and impart the required principles of leadership and tradition. [His left hand slams down, and right arm rises in Nazi salute]
Dr.Strangelove:
Arghh! [Attempts to restrain arm] Naturally, they would breed prodigiously, eh? There would be much time, and little to do. But, ah, with the proper breeding techniques and a ratio of say, ten females to each male, I would guess that they could then work their way back to the present gross national product within say, twenty years.
Muffley:
But look here doctor, wouldn't this nucleus of survivors be so grief stricken and anguished that they'd, well, envy the dead and not want to go on living?
Strangelove:
No sir... [Right arm rolls his wheelchair backwards.] Excuse me. [Struggles with wayward right arm, ultimately subduing it with a beating from his left.] Also when... when they go down into the mine everyone would still be alive. There would be no shocking memories, and the prevailing emotion will be of nostalgia for those left behind, combined with a spirit of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead! Ahhhh! [Right hand reflexes into Nazi salute. He pulls it back into his lap and beats it again. Gloved hand attempts to strangle him.]
Gen. Turgidson:
Doctor, you mentioned the ratio of ten women to each man. Now, wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?
Strangelove:
Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be required to do prodigious... service along these lines, the women will have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have to be of a highly stimulating nature.
Amb. DeSadeski:
I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.
Strangelove:
Thank you, sir.